sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize