Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
