I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
