well most of my day revolves around power hour
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
