if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
