Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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