bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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