Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
