I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
