If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
