I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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