Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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