please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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