he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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