so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
