Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I need moral support for this bender
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
