whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm always down for nudity.
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