I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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