she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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