Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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