I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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