you would pick up someone in the library
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
