Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
