you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
