Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
