Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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