o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want her autograph on my taint
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
