batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
