I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
