Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
