Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
