You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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