I looked at my own cervix.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
