I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
