I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
