I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
