it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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