i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
