I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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