epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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