So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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