oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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