I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
