whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
