take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just cropdusted the office
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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