zippers are such a cool invention
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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