Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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