They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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