Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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