She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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