so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
