Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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