I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
