well you can't waste a boner
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
