I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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