we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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