Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize