so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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