I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
