The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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