I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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