we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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