I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
