The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
