We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
