My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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