I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
