dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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