Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
