Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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