when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
