dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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