I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
