I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
