8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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