Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
