Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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