every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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