it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
