forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
