I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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