i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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