he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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