After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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