did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
